Learning to Live with yourself

I often find that I am one to question everything. I question whether I was right to make certain comments; I review events from years ago and ask myself “was that a decent thing to do?”. In short, I would say that I’m self-critical. Sometimes I can find it hard to live with myself if I feel like I’ve behaved badly, or if I’ve messed up a relationship etc.

I think the truth is that we are all a mixture of good and bad; we all can have terrible thoughts. I read an interesting passage in an action novel the other day which depicted peoples personalities as a build-up of layers over time. Here is what I read:

Cooper had a theory about personality. Most people considered personality to be a singular identity. Malleable, sure, but essentially cohesive. But he tended to see people as more of a chorus. Every stage in life added a voice to that chorus. The different iterations of himself— lonely military brat, cocky teenager, faithful soldier, young husband, dedicated father, relentless hunter— they all existed within him. When he saw a ten-year-old girl, there was a ten-year-old boy inside him that thought she was pretty. Just one voice in a chorus of dozens, which was what marked the difference between healthy people and broken ones; in the broken ones, the inappropriate voices held an inappropriate number of spaces.

Sakey, Marcus (2014-06-17). A Better World (The Brilliance Trilogy Book 2) (p. 171). Thomas & Mercer. Kindle Edition.




I think that this implies a number of things:

  • People a part bad and can have inappropriate thoughts, however insuring that you pack your personality out with an overwhelming number of good and kind layers, will ensure be a good person overall.
  • It is possible to change who you are through new experience, life events, development and learning.
  • You are in control of who you want to be.

If you think my above summary is bollocks, please ignore it. I found the blunt insight into human nature very thought-provoking. With regards Cooper’s very dark and controversial idea that a very small part of human personality is to find children pretty due to once being a child oneself, this is not a theory I want to dwell on. However, it does serve a purpose which is to imply that we are by no means angels!